"Unleash": A Poetic Translation Journey - Portuguese to English

From the hiss of an arrow to a poem. Read the original "Desfere" and its translation, and discover the fascinating journey of learning about the musicality of words.

Unleash

Bow strung taut

I shoot the swift shaft
and suddenly slacken
between the motion
and the mark

Between the silent center
and the final strike
I fall, stuck
in the shock
of the ache

a sharp edge
slices the still air
on the feather’s fine slant

Ah, become a bird
and from this hissing flight
let a poem stir.

The arrow and the quill

Welcome to another translation exercise. This poem, "Unleash," was a collaborative project, and I want to be honest: I had help from an AI. While I don't yet feel I can translate a poem entirely on my own, I know enough English to guide the process through a dialogue—a debate about meaning that provides alternatives and clarity. It’s a method that has allowed me to deepen my understanding of translation itself while actively improving my English.

The final version came from a key insight: that the poem's sonics are crucial, linking the arrow's hiss to the sibilance in the verses. Suddenly, my intuitive choices felt enlightened by literary theory. For me, learning is most powerful when it's connected to my most visceral survival instinct, which is to write.

As a result, I'm not just adding new words to my vocabulary, but new concepts too, like enjambment. I’m also having a lot of fun saying deliciously technical phrases like, “The short, enjambed lines create a tumbling, breathless cadence.”

I’ll leave you with both the original Portuguese and the new English version. I hope you enjoy the journey.

I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

DESFERE

Arco entesado
desfiro a seta
e esbato frouxo
entre o gesto
e a meta

Entre a mosca
e o baque
tombo presa
na agonia
do achaque

gume preciso
risca o espaço
no viés da pena

Ah, seja pássaro
e do traço
rufle o poema